Oh. My. God. And. What. The. Fuck.

I. Woke. Up. To. Pee. This. Morning. And. There. Was. A. Dead. Mouse. IN! MY! TOILET!!!!!!!!



I don't think I can ever sleep again. Apparently, one of these three things happened between 4:30 am (when I peed, and there was no mouse) and 8:30 am, when I made my gruesome and horrific discovery...



My Theory: The mouse somehow backed up into the toilet..... yeah, right.



John's Theory: The mouse was out looking for his nightly drink, when BAM!! Fell into a sea of my unflushed pee-pee.



Third Scenario: One of our 3 Ferocious Kitty Cats attacked and killed Little Mousey (possible), then dropped him off into the potty for mother and dad to behold upon their wake (improbable).



Here are the two damndest things about this whole.....damned.....thing.



1. I can't remember if the toilet lid was up or down when I went into the bathroom. I almost *always* put it down after I'm done, and it *seems* like it was closed when I went in there... I couldn't even see straight this morning, so the details of the toilet were definitely not at the forefront of my mind. In fact, I didn't have my glasses on when I stumbled in there, so at first I just thought it was a weird turd floating around. I was all, "Oh, John left a turd, weird..." Then I thought, "Wait a minute, I'm the last one who used the bathroom, I'm almost positive... this turd must have backed up into the toilet." And then finally, "ACK! THIS TURD HAS A TAIL!!! BAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!"



2. On Wednesday night, John and I went and de-activated all the mousetraps he put in the attic two months ago because they were empty so we thus determined that we DID NOT HAVE A MOUSE. The bastid. He must have been waiting until we let our guard down.



So I of course didn't get a picture of the scene before we flushed Sir Mousey away, but for your delicious viewing pleasure, I have commissioned an artist's rendition from the wonderful Fuzzy Cootie, also known as .....me:







So I'm headed off to the doctor now to get a much-needed refill on my Prozac. Then I think I'm going to the mall. Nothing relieves the "OHMYGOD THERE'S A MOUSE IN MY TOILET"s like a trip to Baby Gap, right? If you need me later, you should be able to IM, because heaven knows I won't ever ever be sleeping ever, ever again.