Have you seen those commercials for Focus Factor? ("They let ya try it for FREE? It must be GOOD!") It's basically, like, herbal ritalin, or claims to be. Anyway. I am appalled by the hideous ugliness of the dude in the ads - I guess he's the spokesman, or the president of the company, or the head ass monkey, or something. He has the biggest jowls and the worst mini-mullet I've ever seen on a non-Ohesian:



I rest my case.

The other day, a guy at my husband's job got pissed off at a co-worker and threw away all of the magazines he had left lying around. One of them happened to belong to my husband (to ME, actually, but that's another column for another day), so he grabbed it out of the trash. He also grabbed a Playboy that was in there, because hey, free Playboy!

So inside, we found some stupid story, in which there were a lot of references to a woman's anus. But they didn't say "anus", of course; it was "bung" this and "dirt hole" that.

1. Who in the fuck would ever say "Oh baby, finger my dirt hole"?

2. "Ass" sounds a lot hotter

3. If my back door is my "dirt hole", is the front one my "fish hole"? My "baby hole"? My "rag bag"?

I issue my readership a challenge. Let's think of more stupid euphemisms for bodily orifices!

TheWordIsSoda: hello
sweet201x: hello
TheWordIsSoda: allow me to introduce myself
TheWordIsSoda: my name is timmy and i just saw you on OUC
TheWordIsSoda: now i notice that your profile says that you read non fiction
sweet201x: yes, timmy, that is correct
TheWordIsSoda: does that mean poetry?
sweet201x: hmmm...... i think poetry is considered literature.
TheWordIsSoda: true but some poetry is autobiographocal so i would consider it non fiction
TheWordIsSoda: what do you think?>
sweet201x: perhaps; although by nonfiction i meant more academic writings
TheWordIsSoda: very good
sweet201x: indeed.
sweet201x: hello?
TheWordIsSoda: hi
sweet201x: hi
sweet201x: did you want to talk about anything else?
TheWordIsSoda: not really
sweet201x: umm, okay. thanks for soliciting my opinion about the literary categorization of poetry, though.

Is it wrong that I think this site is totally hott? Boys in kilts are luscious.

Oy vey. Who invited Maxi??