DerekVegas: may I ask where you are?
sweet201x: ohio
DerekVegas: cool
DerekVegas: well
DerekVegas: honestly
DerekVegas: not cool
DerekVegas: haha
DerekVegas: but you know
sweet201x: sure
DerekVegas: are you in Chicago?
sweet201x: are you joking? lol
DerekVegas: I am just not a fan of Ohio at all
DerekVegas: though Cincinnati was kinda cool
sweet201x: look up, i think you made a typo
DerekVegas: one too many n's?
sweet201x: up higher

............................................................................

sweet201x: why are you not a fan of ohio? what did ohio ever do to you?
DerekVegas: made me drive through it 4 times
DerekVegas: it is flat and there is nothing
sweet201x: don't hate us because we're big and open
sweet201x: ha, ever been to wyoming?
DerekVegas: yes
DerekVegas: now I liked wyoming a lot
sweet201x: lol
DerekVegas: wait are the badlands in wyoming?
sweet201x: i think they're in chicago

It's so difficult not to be a misanthrope these days.

I have been posting off and on at a "Bargain Hunting Tips For Parents" message board located at a popular baby/parenting website. I will not list it here, but it is fairly easy to find if you care to. Now, some of the other boards on this site are known for their contentious members, but you would think that a community whose main topics include "great sale at Gap today" would have little chance of becoming so volatile.

In the past few months, I have seen posts bashing: Poor people. Rich people. Stay at home moms. Working moms. Public schooling. Home schooling. People who don't understand eBay. People who buy diapers on eBay. Doll collectors. People who ask to borrow things. People who lend things out and then expect them to be returned. People who "just go out and buy whatever they want". People who "will only buy something if it's on sale". Professional photographers who don't want their work illegally copied. Wal-mart, because their pictures don't look nice even though they are cheap. The Picture People, because their pictures are too expensive, even though they look very nice. Domestic cars. Foreign cars. People with white-collar jobs. People with blue-collar jobs. People with children. (WTF?!) People without children. People with MANY children. People with only one child. And on, and on, and on.

You know, I REALLLLLY want those coupon codes, but checking this damn message board is sort of making me want to kick people in the head. And reminding me that 99% of women are total stupid fucking bitches 99% of the time. For a split second, I considered checking out a dad message board, until I remembered that 99% of men are assholes 99% of the time. Which begs, then, a question:

Why not genocide?

These are two of the funniest websites I have ever visited. I've been reading them all day:

Computer Stupidities


Things People Said

*sigh* people, people, people.....

Now open: The Let's Get Milk-Faced online store. New products added often! Faster, Pussycat! Buy! Buy!

What, you're too busy to bother leaving a comment? You have made Morrissey very, very angry.

Kemp's All Natural Vanilla Ice Cream is so yummily delicious. It has this really light, pure taste and texture - a lot like frozen custard (aka "soft-serve"), but with those delightful little vanilla-bean fragments in it. I cannot believe that I had never even heard of it before last Sunday. God damn stupid Ohio and its icky Toft's monopoly.



And while we're plugging product, the brand new Fire Theft album rocks So. Much. Fucking. Ass. So you should totally buy it. Although I'm generally opposed to the Evil Amazon Empire, which gobbled up ALL of my favorite (read: CHEAPER) music store sites, it's 49 cents cheaper there than it is at barnesandnoble.com, and walmart.com (my new favorite place to buy music) doesn't have it. Will, Nate and Jeremy all deserve your hard earned money, so don't ask me to burn it for you either. Because that would be stealing.

Truly the fates smile upon me today.

Yesterday I cursed myself for deleting this GREAT penis enlargement ad from my email without saving the accompanying picture. I nearly cried with glee this morning when I found it in my inbox, again!



And that, Don Labia, is what is so great about penis enlargement spam.

P.S. With hips like that, Michael would need to be hung like an eggplant to satisfy Jennifer.

Every time I check my email, it seems like I'm accosted by the same two god damned banner ads. And because I want you all to share in my pain joy, I present them here, with a few minor modifications.



Yes, that truly is an ad for Match.com. I disabled the "go" button, but look, I linked you anyway. See what a nice girl I am? That blue space on the bottom was filled with a bunch of drop-down menus before, but I think my version is much better. And doesn't that guy look like his name is Chet? Because that's what you'd call it if Scott Wolf and Jay Leno had a turd baby.



WOO! Women have Vigel!! I assume that's Vye-Jel, though it looks like "vigg-ul" to this native English speaker. First of all, if that chick's face was any more flat, it'd be Debra Messing's chest. Secondly, why are they using a sexually attractive young woman in this ad, anyway? Wouldn't that make more sense in an ad targeted to men, a la "Get this hot girl NOW!"? Or are we supposed to believe that either [A] 22 year old chicks need this stuff or [B] you will FEEL like a 22 year old chick while using it? I scoff at this logic. Most women my age (according to the media, whom I wholeheartedly believe 100% of the time) actually have negative feelings toward advertising that uses "prettier than you, therefore better than you" girls to sell shit. Maybe that's why this ad intrigues me so much, though I like to think it's just my background in semiotics that fuels me. Anyway... I admit it. I had to see *what* exactly this Vigel was, so I clicked. I believe the URL it took me to was FemaleAdvantage.com, and it turns out that Vigel is a topical gel (why am I not surprised?) whose main ingredient appears to be.... PEPPERMINT. Though I can see why this might sound like a good idea (think IcyHot), there is no way in HELL I will ever be putting peppermint on my nether regions (think IcyHot in your eye.)