identical hand twins

Okay, so not actually identical. And not actually hand, either. But look!! I was googling my kid's name today (as I do from time to time, 'cause I'm a total weirdo) and came across this fine gent who shares the same first and last with my little guy.He's an ARTIST, he's in college, he's even pretty cute, and YES, he's CANADIAN!! You know how I loves me some Canucks, eh? Ehhhh.


It seems that The Other Tristan Bentley was doing a little sleuthing of his own, and found yet ANOTHER of their kind on an Alabama middle school's honor roll. This Tristan, though, is a GIRL!! That's right. Tristan Denise Bentley. But that's not the most interesting thing to be found within this list - I got a real kick out of reading all of these poor children's names. (Before we continue, I must note that I am a HARDCORE NAME NERD. I think about baby names ALL DAY LONG, EVERY DAY.) I consider myself a connoisseur of names, and I can also spell connoisseur without looking it up. Aren't you proud of me? Anyway, I've gathered them into faux-pas categories for your chuckling pleasure:


"No one will ever use the middle name anyway, right?"

McKenzie Helen Rice

Tristan Hawk Arnett

Dorothy Madison Jones (I think this is a case of "We'll just call her by her middle name")

Jarrett Hugh Bentley (I assume this is Girl Tristan's little brother)

Joshua Dale Swanson (Dale?)

Colin Jerry Gaines (Jerry?)

Kaylyn Claruece Williams (What's a vtoooomsh?)


"Are you a boy or a girl?"

Jordan Kyle Morgan

Taylor Reid Parton

Jordam Perry (Jordam?)

Dakota Blake Clark

Joey Dee Rollins (also falls under "You named that baby WHAT?!?!" I mean, Hello? Joey Dee?)

Austin Piper Walker (I never thought of Austin as a girl's name, but no one uses Piper for a boy, do they?)

Alliston Casey Maddox (Alliston? Hmmm.... I kind of *like* that!)


"Future Strippers of America"

Rebecca Star Smith

Pebbles Nkkia Brown

Destiny Brooke Hamm

Savannah Rae Draper (I actually *suggested* that my friend name her daughter Savannah. Thank God she didn't listen.)

Angel McKayla Goodman (because all girls named Angel turn out to be sooo slutty)


"You named that baby WHAT?!?"

Prairie Rose Oliver (This also falls under "Future Strippers of America." And "Names for Muppets."

Bronte Mattise Pruitt (Clearly, this momma fancied herself cultured)(though I must admit, I actually LOVE this)

Statlin David Ponder (What the hell is a Statlin?)

Jesse Ray Payne (Well, it IS Alabama...*banjos play in the distance*)

Kaleb Bain Yancy (McBain?)

Cartrite Aubrey Williams (Also falls under "Are you a boy or a girl?")

Sarahlane Davina Gaines (Sarahlane? Hello, I'm Tinaavenue. And this here's Johnboulevard.)

Sunnie Roxanne Norris (Hmmm....in case she doesn't like Sunnie, let's give her a normal middle name. Nah, let's not and say we did.)



And here are a few more to which I wanted to call attention, but they didn't really fit in any of the categories:

Heather Danielle Sprayberry (This name makes me picture a rock-video slut getting sprayed with a hose)

Abby Pullen Clark (Perhaps Clark should get his lazy ass up and walk)

Meagan Danielle Sigala Nance (I recommend that you do not put anything in your child's name that sounds even remotely like a deadly bacterium)

Tamonyqua La’vennya Brown (I'm trying not to make fun of the "ethnic" names on the list, but I couldn't pronounce this if you paid me.)

Kallie Ragon Bible (That Kallie is ALWAYS raggin' on the Bible)

Eric Dillon Gay (If your last name is Gay, for heaven's sake, CHANGE IT!!)

Vinton Cody Sprayberry (You named that baby WHAT?!)

William Richard Morehead (I really, REALLY hope this kid goes by "Dick")



So, I just spent a great deal of time poking fun at the names of these innocent little children. Yep, yep. I'm definitely going to hell.